He said, keberjayaan.

Its a sleepless night. Whenever i close my eyes, all these visions come alive in my mind, in my brain. I have this stupid habit everynight. He told me, then you dont close ur eyes. Haih. It makes sense though. So i does not want to close my eyes now  i rather stay awake until i fall asleep naturally. My laptop have been send for service. As those that have known it earlier, my lptop keyboard was spilled with coffee on March and now October only i send for repair. Yes i admit i am always delay in handling my things. Which i feel despair over all my faulty actions. I now carrying a note book whenever i go. I have so many to do list which i have been delaying until now. Until today i havent go for my medical check up. :( its daunting i dont want to go.  I am becoming more chicken nowadays. I have so many things in my mind i feel i cant breath. And everyday i am feeling tired. Am i having some weird syndrome here? :( I keep telling myself everything is different this time. But in the end actually the world still keep turning around every seconds and wth i keep on yelling around  dono what to do how to do i am tired. I feel my life is a failure. But when i look people around me. I know i am far more better and i should be grateful that what i want is actually in front of me right now -family. He said, give and take. You get kejayaan, u lose kebahagiaan. You get kebahagian, u lose kebahagiaan. And now i get kebahagian. I should learn to get my kejayaan. My mind still a mess. I need time. I still need time to digest everything. Thank you for ur support all these time  I know u have been a great listener and supporter all these while. I always said you weak and noob. But in the end i realised i am the one who weak and noob. I believe everyone have a desperate stage in their life. I guess this is mine now. I will get out of these all slowly. Please dont rush me. Give me time. Good night.